You Just Can't Yelp Some People by Sal Moriarty

“Drinks...just OK. Someone ordered a New York sour and was given a whiskey sour instead...Food – edible. Bread was not warm/crispy...the Oysters Rockefeller had a strong celery taste and an unappetizing gray cast that for me didn't quite work. The fries were stale (also where was the ketchup), and the Pompano Pontchartrain entree was comically underwhelming...”

1 – Star Yelp review given earlier this month, by Margaret L. (“New York, NY”), for the legendary Antoine's, in New Orleans' French Quarter.

Imagine laying out the kind of coin it takes to get from NYC to The Big Easy, staying a few nights before skedaddling back to Gotham. and leaving the above twaddle as your legacy of the visit.

Where was the ketchup? The gray cast didn't work for me? Comically underwhelming?

Was this a parody of Downton Abbey? Does she have segregated accommodations in her castle for “the help”?

Now, you might be thinking, Sal, I've read your stuff. You are not shy about going negative on the culture. Fair point. Fair point. That said, I have written some nice stuff about Glen Campbell, Kurt Cobain, Sam Cooke, canines and my dad. I've written many positive things about Christ (admittedly, not so much his supposed followers). But, yeah, sometimes I go dark on the culture. But not the dinner.

I've never left McDonald's thinking, you know, the Chicken McNuggets were a tad over cooked. Didn't like the overtly brown cast of the crust, the way it clashed with the fluorescent lighting. For me, it didn't quite work. Think I'll write a Yelp review.

I have the occasional bad meal, but I get on with my life.

If you're fortunate enough to be visiting the French Quarter in New Orleans, and affluent enough to be eating at some of its finest restaurants, and what you're left with is the memory of stale fries, a dearth of ketchup, and bread that wasn't crispy enough, you're either in need of a brain scan, or a Road to Damascus moment. Or both.

All that said, what strikes me most about the Margaret L. (“New York, NY”) review is what was left unsaid. Specifically, how polite and tolerant the staff of Antoine's must be; she didn't mention once any condescending snickers from her hosts, when she implied a crucial element to fine dining is ketchup.