Salamanders, Pagans, Cannibalism and The Walrus
by Sal Moriarty
“When all else fails, there's always delusion.” Conan O'Brien
“For I was hungry, and you fed me.” Matthew 25:35 (NLT)
The Salamander Letter was a document which surfaced in the early eighties calling into question how Mormon founder Joseph Smith discovered buried golden plates Mormons believe to be the source of their sacred book. The letter, supposedly written by a Smith contemporary, stated that a magic salamander appeared to Smith when he found the plates and played a central role in their recovery.
The letter was controversial in LDS circles as it seemed to contradict the straightforward (to religious types, anyway) story of the angel Moroni guiding Smith to the plates (no salamander involved), which is the belief of most Mormons. For obvious reasons, the hierarchy of the church at the time were eager to get their hands on the letter.
So, people who presumably filed tax returns and changed their oil regularly, were debating how holy golden plates were discovered and brought to the attention of the world. Because of an angel? Or a salamander?
Turned out the letter was a forgery (a whole other story involving murder, general mayhem and lying – the touchstones of religion).
Continuing in a similar vein, I recently encountered an item concerning paganism. Kind of makes sense - it is the Christmas season.
This year two pagan covens in Wichita, Kansas (!) are joining forces for a ceremony in which they create a “sacred circle” with a wand or dagger and cleanse the space with smoke and brine.
Once in the circle, they are “in a place that is no place, and time that is no time” and are between worlds, according to one of the coven big shots.
Based on the overall tone of the article, I'm guessing it was not meant metaphorically.
Speaking of non-metaphors, it is my understanding many regularly consume bread and wine, believing it to be the literal body and blood of Christ. In a ritual not unlike those performed by the aforementioned pagans, the bread and wine must first be consecrated. This is done by a tribal leader not dissimilar to the those of the aforementioned pagans.
A few words are spoken and – voila – consecrated vittles.
It all seems a lot like witchcraft, but the difference between these proceedings and those of the pagans (and even the Mormons) is they are widely considered to be a perfectly normal form of worship. Seems if one holds a belief strongly enough, even cannibalism can go mainstream. Of course, if one holds any belief strongly enough, nothing is off-limits. Take a look around.
In the interest of consistency, I was prepared to discuss the practical aspects of venomous snake handling in some American churches. For example, do they name the snakes? Has a parishioner ever been bitten by a serpent named Bambi or Blossom?
However, I came across footage on YouTube of John Lennon at his estate in England in the seventies, and a troubled young man who had been hanging out in Lennon's garden for several days. Ominously, there was little security surrounding the rock star at the time. Eventually, Lennon invited the man up to the house to find out what was what.
It became clear the man had deified Lennon in some fashion, believing he held answers to the universal questions.
Over the course of several minutes, Lennon explains he's just a songwriter. He writes about his own life and observations, or about Yoko, and that's it. He tells the man if the songs have meaning for him, that's fine, but there's no hocus-pocus involved.
A forlorn and broken man had traveled a great distance for answers – a pilgrimage, you might say - but the icon had none to give him. That being the case, Lennon asked the man if he was hungry. The man nodded, and they took him inside and fed him.
There's a philosophy I can get behind: I don't have the answers you seek, but are you hungry?
